The untitled cowboy crack fic
by kalahie
Summary: HouseWilson and a little CameronChase in a Cowboy AU. Total Crack. Inpsired by a random prompt.
1. Chapter 1

**It was raining outside, which was not good for an outlaw cowboy with a limp. It made his leg ache like a son of a bitch. Then again it might have been the shackles doing that. Whichever. **

**He usually kept to himself, mainly because every time he talked to anyone he managed to piss them off, which is how he got shot, which is why he limped, which is why he got himself caught by the damn marshals and was currently chained in the back of their prison train. Damn it.**

**The door opened and he squinted at the silhouette in the frame, the loud thunder of the train flooding in, slowly receding as the door closed. It was another man in shackles followed by an over weight marshal. The new prisoner was a pretty young man, at least ten years younger than himself. He had pleasant features, stable features with steady brown eyes and a soft mop of hair. He looked the very picture of innocence. Of course knowing the law he probably was innocent. **

"**Arresting boy scouts?" He quipped. The fat sheriff grabbed his shackles, chaining them to the boys. **

"**You should be worrying about your own hide house. There's a noose down at the station's bin waiting for your ass for a long time." And with that the marshal left, houses retort lost in the thunder of the train. **

**House sighed then dug around his pockets for a cigarette, placing one between his lips.**

"**Damn. You got a light?" He mumbled around the smoke. The boy blinked at him. **

"**Uh, ya I think." He fumbled in his own pockets, awkward movements. He's never been in cuffs before. House observed. He nodded his thanks as the boy lit a match.**

"**So what are you in for?" House asked. He wasn't much for conversation, but this man was, interesting. He was young, clean, attractive and pretty much looked the definition of innocent. Now that meant he either was innocent, or was good enough at faking it that house couldn't tell. Either way, it might entertain him for a while.**

**The young man blushed. Actually blushed. Right from his neck to his ears.**

"**I was, uh talking to this girl in a bar. She was telling me about how she was raising money, to help her mom, and I uh, gave her some money…" He trailed off, face neon pink. **

**House stared in disbelief, and then started laughing. The younger mans face went from embarrassed to indignant and embarrassed.**

"**I was just trying to help her out."**

"**Of course you were." House looked particularly amused. "And you're probably the only man in the whole damn world who was 'just trying to help'"**

"**What about you? What did you do?" House shrugged.**

"**Pissed off the law." **

"**Right, bet you do that a lot." He shrugged again. **

"**People are idiots. They're just not used to people telling them that."**

"**That what got you shot?"**

**The young man raised an eyebrow. House stopped, face darkening. **

"**Sorry. You don't have to talk about it." His voice was casual yet empathetic, although house detected no fear. That was new. He shrugged awkwardly.**

"**No your right. Was my mouth." He looked away. "My girl did it." **

**The boy blinked. House shrugged again.**

"**She didn't have a whole lotta choice. It was either shoot me or have someone else kill me." He paused. "Still didn't think she'd actually do it." **

"**She must me very brave."**

"**Something like that." House took the last drag of his smoke.**

"**She's married now. To a marshal." He smiled ironically. The boy snorted at that. House raised an eyebrow. "You lost a girl to the law?"**

"**My first wife. Said I flirted to much with the local operator. Left me for a trooper. Then the operator left me when she said I flirted to much with the girl at the grocers, and she left me because she spent to much time sleeping with the mayor."**

**House blinked. The boy was full of surprises. He offered a shackled hand to the old cowboy. **

"**Wilson. James Wilson." House took it awkwardly. He had a warm, strong handshake, and damn it if it didn't make something in houses stomach twitch. It was probably a warning.**

"**House. Greg." Wilson blinked.**

"**Wow, as in the shine runner? That Greg House?" House allowed himself a small but smug smile. **

"**Last time I checked." Wilson grinned an appreciative grin.**

"**Nice." They shared a small smile, before house got uncomfortable and shifted bit. The heat from the others body was becoming steadily more noticeable. **

"**So what do you do when your not collecting wives." Wilson laughed a little at that.**

"**I'm a doctor actually. Well I was, I doubt that with this" he indicated the cuffs on his wrists, "I'll be one anymore."**

"**A doctor eh? I thought your type was against drinking. You know all that 'polluting the body and the soul' crap?" House pushed. Wilson shrugged.**

"**It doesn't hurt in moderation. Besides," He grinned. "It helps us get laid, so it can't be all that bad." Something in his brown eyes sparkled mischievously.**

**House raised an eyebrow, amused grin on his face. The boy was actually flirting with him. He laughed softly. No wonder his wives left him. He was pathological, probably unaware of it entirely. It was, interesting.**

"**Ever think about running shine?" House offered before he could stop himself.**

"**That a proposition?" Wilson grinned, innuendo in his eyes. More like a dare actually. And house could never turn down a dare; it was a matter of pride.**

"**No that was a job offer. A proposition would be something like this." And again without his permission he grabbed the young mans hair and kissed him soundly. Apparently he was loosing his mind, but it served the little bastard right for flirting with him. **

"**My mistake." Wilson rasped when he could breath again.**

"**That a yes? Cause the train is about to stop for a routine maintenance check and I for one am getting off of it. Now if you want I could leave you here…"**

"**I'll do it." **

**House smirked again. **

"**Smart boy. Now come on." House maneuvered himself carefully to his feet, stumbling a bit. Damn marshal had broken his cane. Across his head actually. He was shocked when Wilson lifted him holding his arm just long enough to steady him, and then let him go without a glance. He was currently rifling threw his jacket, and he smiled a bit when he pulled out a hairpin. House watched in what was plain shock as the mild mannered doctor skillfully picked his cuffs, letting them fall to the ground, then turning to house, pin in his teeth as he rubbed his wrists, motioning with his chin for house to present his hands. **

**House complied proffering his wrists. He studied Wilson's face as he furrowed his brow in concentration. Sure enough a familiar click signaled his cuffs falling off. **

**Wilson looked up at houses shocked expression. He grinned a little sheepishly and shrugged. House gave him an approving look and Wilson blushed a little. And then House opened the door, grabbed Wilson in a bear hug, and jumped off the train.**

**After they were done rolling, they stopped, house pinned under Wilson. The latter, once he caught his breath swore loudly. **

"**House are you insane! You could have killed us both! House! House?" The Older man wasn't responding. He didn't trust his voice at the moment. If his leg was hurting before it was in agony now. He felt his eyes burn with tears. "Shit, house?" Wilson's voice was now softer, if not concerned.**

"**Pocket. Inside my jacket." He gasped. Wilson didn't hesitate to reach into the afore mentioned pocket and removed a syringe. He reached for houses belt. House grabbed his wrists. **

"**I'm a doctor." Wilson argued reaching for the belt again. House cringed, the pain shooting up his side again and let Wilson's hands go. The doctor made quick work of houses pants, emptying what he could only assume was some kind of opiate into his thigh. He watched houses face carefully as the gasping slowly subsided, and the scathing blue eyes opened themselves again. **

**He pulled up is pants muttering a thanks. Wilson just nodded. **

"**House?" A voice interrupted, Wilson just about jumped out of his skin.**

"**Took you long enough" the older man growled. **

**The stranger offered the cowboy a cane without a word, and house righted himself.**

"**We had a small problem locating your train, the others are waiting for you in town." Wilson dusted himself off as he stood. The stranger blinked, blond hair falling in front of his face. **

"**Uh house?" He said staring at Wilson. His accent was thick, Texan maybe.**

"**Chase this is Dr James Wilson, Wilson this is Robert Chase, one of my lackeys."**

"**Pleasure." Chase nodded shaking Wilson's hand. Definitely Texan Wilson decided. **

"**I only brought two horses." Chase stated. House limped towards the animals, both men in toe. **

"**The Dr can ride with me. Lets go." He ordered. Wilson was impressed by the way house maneuvered himself one legged into the saddle. Then house turned to the doctor, motioning him to join him. Chase was already mounted on a gray mare, waiting patiently for his boss. Wilson sighed, glancing upward and wondering just how he managed to get into this.**


	2. Chapter 2

**The town was small, which was good, there was more chance of them being able to sneak out of it. They met up with houses other 'minions' in a rowdy tavern. Wilson dodged a stool on the way in. He noticed however House didn't even flinch. In fact the older man looked very comfortable in the bar. Chase offered him a seat; Wilson smiled weakly and took it. **

"**House!" A relived female voice caused Wilson to turn around. A tall brunette in a red and pink skirt and a rather flattering pink and dark purple corset just about flung herself at the older man, who stopped her effort by raising his palm. Wilson noticed the Texan shift uncomfortably, a small frown creasing his neutral features. **

"**You damn near cost us that shipment." An irritated voice joined the fray. Wilson tore his eyes away from the girl's cleavage to face a handsome black man in a black shirt, cowboy hat and a pair of jeans. The latter looked curiously at Wilson.**

"**First of all I didn't screw up, I left the money on that train which our fine Canadian representative is picking up in approximately," He tilted his head to see the clock behind the bar. "Seventeen minutes."**

**The man in the hat gave an annoyed look but said nothing. **

"**And second of all, this is Dr Wilson. He works with us now." House said daring anyone to challenge him. "Doctor, this fine looking thing is Allison Cameron. She arranges times dates and accommodations." Cameron beamed at Wilson with a smile that could melt steel and have your stomach drop into your feet. Wilson smiled back, apparently not wanting to be left out of the running for most stunning smile. House's lips twitched in irritation.**

"**And this is Eric Foreman. My boss sends him to try to keep me in line. He is in charge of the money. And he's also pretty useful in a fight." Forman gave Wilson a respectful nod. **

"**And you've already met our charming Texan, Robert Chase. He can dig up dirt on just about anyone. He also sleeps with just about anyone." The blonde rolled his eyes. **

"**I got conformation today the shipment is ready to go, she's just awaiting payment." Cameron informed her boss. She had already managed to squeeze in-between House and Wilson, grabbing the formers arm affectionately. House nodded slowly; apparently content to let Cameron hold his arm. Again Wilson noticed Chase looking away. Wilson looked up at House, obvious question in his eyes. House just gave a fractional smirk. Wilson laughed silently.**

**_You're an ass._ His eyes admonished.**

**_You love it_. Houses smirk answered. Wilson rolled his eyes and looked back to houses team.**

"**We have to have it to Cuddy by noon tomorrow." Foreman reminded House. Voice smooth and logical. **

"**Ya ya, I know. Were done for the day. Go, drink, dance, make whoopee, the doctor and I need some alone time." He waggled his eyebrows lecherously. Wilson rolled his eyes, but they did as they were told and dispersed about the room. **

"**They're, interesting." Wilson commented, smiling in thanks as the bar tender passed him a beer. **

"**They're idiots." House grumbled. Wilson laughed.**

"**I doubt that. You don't seem to be the kind of person to suffer idiots." House smirked.**

"**True." He observed his team.**

"**Cameron seems to like you anyways." **

"**God don't remind me." House groaned. Wilson blinked.**

"**What you don't like her? Not even a little?"**

"**I'd rather do a cactus." He grumbled.**

"**House! She's gorgeous! She's smart, nice, she obviously can put up with you…"**

"**She's boring." House interrupted.**

"**Right." Wilson looked completely unconvinced. "But you do care about her. About all of them." House scowled at him. A lesser man would have run for his life but Wilson just ignored it. And started grinning. The bastard.**

"**Would explain why you can't do her though. She is young enough to be your daughter." **

"**You said that with high significance."**

**Wilson just smiled. House felt his stomach twitch again. Nothing but trouble.**

**Just at that exact thought a chair crashed into the roof above them, both men having to doge the pieces. House looked over irritably, an older man with a grizzled beard and a nasty smile was trying to come on to Cameron. Which resulted in her telling him in no uncertain term to die and go to hell. Which resulted in him throwing a chair. Which resulted in Chase and Foreman standing at Cameron's side, Chase looking like someone had just stolen his favorite toy, and Foreman looking, well annoyed. It seemed to be his standard expression.**

"**Uh you think we should help them?" Wilson asked, raising his eyebrows. House shrugged.**

"**You can do what you like, I am going to enjoy the show." Wilson gave a concerned look to houses ducklings. "Huh, that's odd the blonde one usually runs like a scared armadillo."**

**They watched as chase dodged an angry coal miner's bottle. Forman was currently brawling with a man twice his size and Cameron seemed to be taking pretty good care of herself with the help of one of the waitresses serving trays. **

**Much to houses surprise Wilson sat back down. He was clearly impressed. House felt a smug pride fill his chest. Within 15 minutes his little minions had managed to chase the angry miners from the bar. Cameron brushed a stray strand of hair from her face, and started to smile again, Foreman replaced his hat and returned to looking annoyed, and Chase's face returned to its carefully neutral position.**

"**That was, impressive actually." Wilson admitted eyes wide. House got even smugger. **

"**Told ya." He finished his beer and limped off his stool towards Cameron. Wilson followed smiling slightly when he noticed house giving her a once over, assessing the damage. **

"**You all right?" Wilson asked, instinctively giving her the once over house had. She smiled at him.**

"**I'm fine. Thanks for your help." She said sarcastically to house, slightly annoyed.**

"**Your welcome. You have my key?" Cameron nodded briskly handing him a key from her corset. **

"**Come on Doctor, your bunking with me tonight." He told Wilson. Wilson sighed and shared an exasperated look with Cameron but did as he was asked.**

**The bed, happily was large enough to accommodate both men without them having to touch each other. They laid in silence for a while before Wilson opened his mouth.**

"**Why did you take me with you?" House shrugged lightly. **

"**Your interesting." Wilson laughed.**

"**That's bullshit."**

"**You've been married three times, you flirt with anything that catches your eye, you have little to no moral objections to breaking out of prison, kissing men, or running shine, and yet you are genuinely a nice person who wants to help people. You are a study in contradictions. Possibly more fucked up than I am." House mused. Wilson snorted.**

"**Sorry I asked."**

"**Why did you come?" Wilson paused.**

"**I don't know. It just seemed, right I guess." They were both silent then, neither wanting to examine the validity of that statement.**

"**Huh." Was all House responded before closing his eyes and rolling onto his stomach.**

"**Kick me and I'll sell you to angry Canadian cannibals." He muttered.**

"**Right." Wilson yawned, rolling onto his side, and fell asleep.**


End file.
